2011 till now

I din't expect much out of this year.
I thought I would have my freedom at last, I was wrong.
I thought I could finally pursue my interest in colleges, wrong again.
I thought I would change for the better, Maybe a little right.
Yes, I din't get to go to the college I wanted. Not because I wasn't qualified, my Mom was against it, she say i was young and stuff. Not knowing what I want yet.
She is SO 100% guranteed that I would regret if I had went in that college and take up Illustration. 'FORM 6 AH GAL, Its so important!' thats what I always heard, i rolled my eyes everytime.
She went through the extent of pursuading all the uncle aunties i know to advice me to enter form 6. OH COME ON! IS THIS YOUR LIFE?
And so, after much advises, pursuadings, i decided to screw myself into damnation.
Entering FORM 6
I literally wasted the first 5 months? rotting at home, chatting, playing games, chilling out and stuff.. oh and i found myself a boyfriend. That is, while waiting for the form 6 offer letter.
And then, its finally time, stepping into SCHOOL.. ONCE AGAIN -SIGH-
everything was new, just to get out of form 6 with a nice cert, i decided to go for the not so tough subjects, dropping accounts for English Lit, dropping Maths for Perniagaan. HAHA, how smart of me, i thought. BUT NO, almost EVERYTHING in Form 6 is tough. Darn it. LOL
ever since stepping into form 6, I was depress MANY A TIMES, oh yeah, I duno wads wrong with me, but i Joined prefects. I think a wire in my brain has malfunction.
I brought more busy scheldues to myself. oh my..
and then, of course, met a couple of new friends, and some old ones. wouldn't say I m perfect, but most of them here, I just don't see them much of a true friend type. So I decided not to get close to any. Well thats just me, i prefer true friends to friends that always cling around you for popularity but dump you when you're officially out season-
Sometimes when my mom yells at me to study, i had the nerve to say this.
'Don't wanna~ not interested' and i add a smiley face in.
I know this annoys my mom VERY much. and some how I like it.
Maybe bcuz I always think her as the one who forced me into form 6 and gave me all these needless depressions,(she doesn't know i suffer from them)
I cry alone all the time, so nobody knows.
There was just this one time where I accidentally let it slip.
My dad was fetching me home from Ballet. Don't know why, depression took over.
I looked away from him and stared out. My tears were rolling down. But i Din't make a sound. hoping that he would not notice, and he din't say a thing. But i was quite sure he saw my tears. stupid reflection!
I tend to get moody all of a sudden. and I think this scares my boyfriend alot. Haha.
Somehow I just think he ain't mature enough yet.
I know my thinking is a little too mature, cuz thats wad everyone who really knows me said.
So I sometimes hate it when he's a little too childish in thinking.
Well, i am too lazy to type out EVERYTHING. it would take me weeks.
all i know is another exam is coming up in another 2 weeks time.
and being a quite.. 'want face girl' i don't like getting failing grades and i push myself to midnight burning for average grades, or higher.
so i shall say bye for now. -sigh-
I love my Boyfriend. well nobody's perfect. can't expect him to be perfect. But I really hope he will start studying soon. I don't know what he wants to do. I tried talking bout it already, but it seems like he's avoiding it everytime. So i stop asking, its almost a year now, i see no progress.. and I m starting to think.. maybe.. well nevermind. gotta stop writing, Its already 2 am. Bye Blog